Say the word Elite to any gamer ‘of a certain age’ and undoubtedly a faraway look will come to their eyes as they remember a glorious career, meticulously planned trade routes, pitched space battles, and resisting the siren call of the space-mermaids in the rainbow nebula. Elite lingers long as a gaming influence, providing the basis for such modern day classics like EVE Online, Privateer, and Bear in the Big Blue Spaceship.
Series creator William Stent has been missing ever since the game’s release in 1960, taking only his massive fortune and a trophy-wife named Mindy. I had expected never to hear of him again, but all that changed a week ago, when Peej called me into his office. He told me that I would be heading to Cambodia to conduct an interview with Stent in an armed compound deep in the jungle. Then, when the interview was completed, I would terminate him with extreme prejudice. “The interview must remain exclusive.” explained Peej.
Travelling up the Mekong river, I studied his files. At first, I couldn’t believe they wanted this man dead. The list of classic games he produced went on and on. Football Friday, Placebo Giants, Pancake Attack, etc etc. I was in a state of some anxiety when I reached the compound. A strange Englishman named Whizzo led me into Stent’s dark and reeking hut.
“Space, there’s a lot of it,” Came a voice from a bed in the far corner. It continued; “if you don’t watch out, it will steal your kidneys.”
I pressed him for details of the game’s creation, but he persisted in outrageous philisophical statements, like; “Space is like a dog trapped in a toilet bowl. You can let it out, but you wont want to let it back in your bed…”
I despaired getting anything other than nonsense from him, so I asked Whizzo to fill me in on the details.
“Part of the success of Elite was down to it being released on the educational computers, the Acorn BeBop, and the BBC Flava Flav, for example. It allowed no end of nerdy losers to be able to play the game, which was, after all, a work of genius. Providing a free novel in the box along with the game was another coup.”
(The novel, an adaptation of the first series of ‘Keeping up Appearances’, was critically panned.)
“It was also the first game to use motion capture for its animation. William made little wire models of all the ships, and would run around with them going NEEEEOOWWWW! DAGGADAGGADAGGADAGGA!” The effect was stunning at the time. A totally realistic depiction of space flight and combat.
So how does the game play in our future of the games past? Whizzo brought me back to Stent’s hut where I found him playing Elite on a Nintendo Entertainment and Weather Tracking System. He wouldn’t let me have a go. I begged and pleaded and wept, but all he would say was; “Space times twenty equals apple.” In a rage I grabbed him and strangled him with my teeth. I picked up the controller and tried to manually dock. I flew right into the wall.
The horror…
