Molyneux dribbles on some more about Fable 2

In an effort to get inside his head, and find out just what makes the Molyvirus tick, we invited him to DPOT Towers (now situated above a betting shop in Purley) for an informal interview.

In a blaze of light, and a noise like the startup sequence of some divine games console, The Molyvirus arrived in a white Rolls Royce Silver Shadow, accompanied by his minion - a gestalt entity constructed from various hacked off body parts of programmers the Molyvirus has previously trodden underfoot.

“So tell us about Fable 2″ we asked, brewing up a cup of DPOT Tea (the special kind with one or two roofees slipped into the mix, just in case our interviewees don’t play ball).

“AH! Fable 2, my second most favourite subject…after talking about myself of course!” rumbled the Molyvirus. “Fable 2 will transcend every genre in gaming. You don’t just merely play Fable 2, Fable 2 cleverly undoes your trousers, slides itself into your undergarments and makes you multiple orgasm before you’ve even gained your first achievement. It’s that good, trust me”

We shifted uncomfortably in our seats at the prospect of being date-raped by a video game but pressed on.

“So what is Fable 2’s kink? What would sell it to me above any other RPG game?”

At the mention of “RPG” the Molyvirus turned grey and started to rumble, a distant rumble like an approaching monsoon or the first grumblings of a volcanic explosion.

“RPG! How the fuck dare you!” screamed the Molyvirus, lightning erupting from his fingertips. “This is no mere role playing game. Fable 2 is life itself, encapsulated on a DVD, spun folded and mutilated by your 360, and served up hot and steaming like primordial love soup”.

“So, er…care to elaborate on that?” we nervously asked.

“Well there are so many secret bits I’m not allowed to talk about” he giggled coquettishly, patting our knees in turn. “But because I’m a filthy gossipy old attention whore I’ll let you in on the secret. You know the lark? Well there’s a lark in the game…we’ve accurately modelled the lark’s tears so that they fall using an intricately woven piece of chaos mathematics so complex that your 360 will actually need to become a hive mind with other networked 360s throughout the world in order to just render each teardrop.”

We mused on this piece of information for a second.

“Will the player notice that though? I mean does it become an integral part of the player’s quest?”

The Molyvirus flicked us a disdainful look of contempt. “Course they will dear boy, in fact we’re banking on it because it’ll help distract them from the fucking awful V-Synch problems, chronic slowdown and texture tearing we…er…we forgot to bugtest out of the game. Hey ho, them’s the dice and that’s how they fall. “

The Molyvirus then kissed us all messily on the lips, shouted “Toodle Pip” in a fey voice, and departed in a cloud of smug self-congratulation.

Fable 2 is out this year. Apparently it’s going to blow you.