New Nvidia Android Console calls Ouya “A f*****g pooftah”



Androids, everybody needs good Androids – or so the classic hit song went. Every man and his dog is busy producing an android-based gaming wonder-machine to surreptitiously undermine the “big three” console developer’s best efforts. Now GPU gods NVidia have thrown their hat into the ring, thrown down the gauntlet, and thrown the baby out with the bathwater with their new console.

Known as Shield (which stands for Stupid Handheld Internet Enabled Lag Device) – It’s NVidia’s direct challenge to the recently kickstarted ‘open source’ gaming console known as the Ouyah (which stands for Orange Unctuous Yankee Anus Hat), has a built in screen, a brace of connection ports and practically fuck all chance of surviving once the Next Xbox launches.

Nvidia’s demo reel shows the console in action – spinning on its axis and sucking chimpanzee winkles like a champ as it throws around twelve cajillion texels per second.

We recently tried both the SHIELD and the Ouyah (actually we just knocked up a couple of mock-ups out of old shoeboxes, stripped them to the waist and made them fight in an arena full of cockroaches armed only with tiny Lego weapons) and it was eminently clear that the SHIELD could kick the Ouyah’s Dad’s arse while simultaneously having a go on its mum.


One response to “New Nvidia Android Console calls Ouya “A f*****g pooftah”

  1. Hmpf….After two months patiently waiting for a witty write up; this is what I get? Well, if I may be so bold to say, most disappointing to say the very least. Good days sirs, good days indeed.

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