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It’s been a week for rumours this week, with Sony teasing an event for the 20th Feb that could see the reveal of either a revised VITA (like, one they could sell), a new brain implant that lets users imagine they’re a pair of japanese girls panties, or perhaps even the highly anticipated PlayStation 4.  Whatever it is, we’ll be sure to get the hand-cream ready for the unveiling.

In the mean time news outlets all over the internet are spewing up snippets of information and because we’re good to you we’ve gathered together the ones we consider as rock-hard, solid, chiseled in stone FACT.

  • Dedicated geostationary satellite for online gaming (Xbox Live Gold Customers Only. Silver get two cans and a piece of string)
  • RRP of $499 (£699) + a free voucher for a Wii U (for when you have to send your launch console back to MS for repair).
  • Controllers will contain biometric tentacle sensors that will slide effortlessly under your fingernails to sense your moves before you’ve made them.
  • Flip-top lid doubling as George Foreman Grill for long hot summer gaming / barbecues
  • A smiling portrait of Steve Ballmer in every box (with handy markings and drawing pins to aid dartboard placement)
  • Full compliment of accessories available at launch including full working AK-47, and Kevlar vests for when shooting ai Nazi zombies just isn’t real enough. (Only available in America).

Are you looking forward to the launch? Send your double-polaroids to us at Deadpixelsontoast@Gettofook.com

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